This Actually Happened
by APoisonTree
Summary: Follow Canada throught this reality-diconnected world, while wondering if this even possible.  Various background pairings.  Rated T for language and safety
1. The Wedding March

Dun dun dun dun dun dun duuuuuuuunnnnnn~

The wedding march was more like a funeral march for Russia, and a laugh track for the rest of the nations in attendance…myself included. "We are gathered here today to join these two nations in holy matrimony." Heh. I felt bad for Russia (kinda) for having to marry his psycho sister. And and and waitasecond! Did Egypt just say more than ten words? Was he high? I snuck a look into my right coat pocket. Nope, all my pot was exactly as I left it ten minutes ago. Heavenly and (Canadian!) bacon flavored. So _why_ was Egypt trying to marry the two scariest nations in the world?

"If you object to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace" continued the very probably sun-addled African nation.

And here comes my brother, here to butt in. "I object! Because Belarus is Russia's sister!"

"Like you can talk" fired back Egypt, "You married England! Besides, I'm getting paid to do this!" Ah. He was selling something. Made sense.

Oh, here came England, to be the gallant white knight for his boyfriend…or be petty over the Crimean War. Well, for whatever reason he opened his mouth to yell "Russia sleeps with Ukraine!" Wh-Wha? Just Wha? Ukraine was too _not insane_ …as well as nice and pretty and has really big- Holy Maple, Russia's looking at me. Invisibility powers, go!

And Egypt jumped into the fray "You are one sick fuck!" and promptly began wrestling/attacking Russia.

"Brother!" wailed a horrified (and not horrify_ing_,for once) Belarus. "I can't believe you cheated on me *sob*. "Egypt, I'm marrying (fem) Germany instead!"

After sparing one last disgusted look at Russia, Egypt went and married the happy couple and (store-bought) cake was provided by England and eaten by all, myself included.

I just hope my powers are enough to get me out of a beating from when I was laughing while rescuing Russia, peace-keeping duties and all that. Well, better get going. I hear that I'm actually getting a seat at the U.N. meeting!

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><p><strong>I like this one worst of the little drabbles I wrote based off what happened to me, a Canada cosplayer at AnimeNEXT 2011. This little event, while hilarious, happened too fast to get good detail out of it. The next one's better, I promise. Um, if you were one of the people in one of these, I was the Canada with the thread-covered wire curl sticking out of my crappy googles. Sorry if I offended you or anything.<strong>


	2. The Sufferings of IHOP

**Um, I kinda forgot to say this, but I don't own Hetalia. At all. If I did, there would be more Canada.**

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><p>This wasn't a good day for me. Today I've been called 'America' 17 times (and subsequently beaten up for the mix-up five times), Whatsisface (or a variation of it) another 11 times, and depressingly large amounts of 'Holy crap, is that a floating bear?' I sigh… and then hear an all-too-familiar voice.<p>

"Hey guys! Sorry to crash your commie party, but I heard there was cake!" Commie Party? Oh yeah, I'm with China and Russia right now…Although only one of us is communist.

My brother looks very brave considering only a few minutes ago he'd tried to force Russia near Belarus. From how he appears, you would think his superhero-adorned t-shirt was a suit of armor.

Immediately after my monologue (which may or may not have been internal, but nobody would notice if it wasn't) he continues. "Hey bro, you look depressed!" Wow. He remembers me! I feel my face begin to arrange itself into a hopeful smile. Which is then dashed as my dear, idiotic brother opens his mouth to say "It's okay, I remember you, IHOP!"

IHOP…**IHOP**? The sad thing is that I'd probably garner more attention as a pancake house than me. I sigh, something I've been doing a lot more than I'd like.

Hm, might as well make the best out of a bad situation. I turn to Russia. If he notices me, maybe I'd get someone to trade and play hockey with. I turn to the behemoth of a nation and smile, a small one, hoping that Russia won't kill me (probably a death by crushing while he sits on me). "Well Russia," I say, half shy and half exasperated "Looks like I'm IHOP now."

I immediately regret speaking. Russia mouths 'IHOP' once and a twinkle appears in his eye. His (creepy as hell) smile grows and he lunges towards me, as he all but roars "I hop on **YOU**!"

His hand finds purchase on my coat and I say the only thing that comes to mind.

MAPLE!


End file.
